My life changed in a lot of ways recently. In September my immune system attacked my joints, it was extremely painful. I spent several days in the hospital while they tried to decide what's wrong with me. They still don't know.
I miss the old me, the one who could clean the kitchen without having to lay down, theOne who could load a car in 20 minutes not 2 hours. The teacher who could stand all day and play games. The person who could fast walk and keep up with first graders.
I used to hate to just sit, now I can sit and do nothing and the thing that bothers me is I don't mind just sitting. I miss my crocheting and going to the knitting group, but I am just too tired. I miss the me who was always trying new things.
For now, I will be this person, who sits and does nothing, who lays down after every task, the one who can't out walk a first grader and hope that someday I will know what is wrong and maybe get some of my life back. If not and this is my life I will accept the things I cannot change and pray for courage to accept my new life.
